Email Vesta
Blog Home Page

Welcome to the Sonoma County Gazette ARCHIVE of PAST EDITIONS. Our NEW WEBSITE is up and running, so GazExtra is serving as your path to archived articles. Thanks for being part of our Sonoma County community...stay in touch...e-mail me - VESTA

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

ADVICE - on Love, Romance...Good Stuff!!!

Whoah!... February!! In the midst of mass-media panic over our economy, real homes and jobs losses, global warming, mounting public health issues - AND and our post-holidays gray-skied “blues”.. we’re consistently reminded this month to “stop and smell the roses”… to think of love, romance and good stuff!

Writing this column, I’ve received TONS of letters about all kinds of relationship challenges – Neighbors; Family Members; Partnerships; Marriages; Kids; Bosses; Co-Workers; Cashiers… You name it!! …All while technology tweaks interpersonal connection and intimacy…

Is it just me? Or, does it feel like we’re becoming ever more isolated - and lacking trust to acknowledge or even interact with others?

Where’s Our Sense of HUMOR?!

Here’s one: “You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling!” Source:

Now, you don’t need another scolding about what you “should” be doing!... Maybe we could all use a little perspective tune-up, however!..

• Walking into the Men’s Locker Room @ Cal Fit the other day, something happened which I don’t recall experiencing since, oh, the 1970’s… My “excuse me” and look at the face of another guy I was passing was actually returned in kind!!! My God!! Someone looked me in the eye, and said, “Excuse me” in a way which communicated:

Ø Respect

Ø Courtesy

Ø “I’m not irritated that you’re momentarily in my world”

I was stunned! Then, as I reached my locker it happened again! Both times, by gentlemen who looked to be at least 60 years of age… Reminding me of “a different age” – the way I was taught to be a man – respectful, honest, willing to be wrong or not know something – all in the name of supporting others and of gaining knowledge and connection….

“Nowadays”, most of our “run-ins with strangers” interactions have become focused on:

# 1: “Maintain my space…” – Don’t let anyone in!

# 2: “Don’t do anything that could cause further interaction!” - Get past the other person ASAP!

# 3: “Be socially - and politically-correct!” - Can’t say anything that someone can construe as sexual, derogatory, or any other of a million litigation-liable transgressions!

# 4: “Gosh, I hope to hell I didn’t know that person! Pray I didn’t come over as ‘rude’.. That wasn’t my child’s teacher was it?”... I don’t want to look “wrong”!

• It’s a lot easier to eMail, text… anything in techno-space than to deal with all of the “kooks”… even in our own homes!

• “There are No Coincidences” – Spirit/Physics/God puts people in our lives for a reason!

• Our shrinking planet (see MySpace, global ecological realities, regional wars involving global axes’ soldiers…) has dramatically increased the demands for socially-complex “awareness”..

So, If you lived in a group of 99 people, and one more is added, you’d then see 99 new relationships! Seems like SO MANY people are overwhelmed, stressed and/or depressed by the dramatic social complexity of today’s life! Hey!.. I hate the fact that 99% of the people who drive down my street are people I don’t know, and I never will!

“Community”… where’d that go?

Here’s another one: My nephew recently headed off for his first semester away at college on a music scholarship. Off to Los Angeles and big-city campus life! I called him about a month after he’d settled in, to see how he was doing…

"This is awesome, Uncle Mitch!," he exclaimed, "but the students in my dorm are kinda freaky! Dude in the dorm next to me bangs his head against the wall ‘til like midnight every night! And the guy in the room above me stomps around ‘til midnight! And I gotta listen to floor below’s stereo blasting ‘til the middle of the night!"

I asked, "Why don't you complain to your Dorm Supervisors?"

"Ah, it’s not really that big a deal," my nephew says... "I'm usually up quietly practicing my trombone until that time anyway."

• Sometimes, the very interactions/frustrations we rue the most are foundations to a relationship we’d sorely miss otherwise (see Jim Carrey’s character in “CLICK”)!

As there are no “coincidences”, Even current phenomenon can be looked at for positive potential!... For example:

• “Political Correctness” = Opportunity to really look at other humans as our equals, versus as someone to be categorized.

• This shrinking planet = Opportunity to get past divisive trends (like “racial differences”, “religious wars”, tyranny, slavery…) and unite to combat this threat to our very existence.

• Loss of courtesy/respect/empathy = Opportunity to ROLE MODEL the best a human can be for others!!

As a means of communication – keeping it “light”, not personalizing every moment, and allowing everyone to feel “OK”… humor/jokes are time-tested means getting along with people and of adding just a bit of light in this world we share! If not meant to create distance – instead to create a brief sense of affiliation – humor rocks!

And, during spiritual and/or seasonal “WINTER”, this is a time to lovingly look within… To find the good starting in our hearts, in those we love… and in our fellow humans!

Stay tied to the positive (like what you see in reading “Health & Fitness” magazine; checking out, and in connecting with community @ )!

KNOW THIS: There’s lots of good in this world; humans can thrive and get past our contemporary struggles, and that there’s always a good laugh in there somewhere!

George Carlin once said:

“If love is blind… why is lingerie so popular?”

…February: Love It!

Namasté ~ Mitch

Labels: ,